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Sunday, May 15, 2011

SHRAVAN KI COUNTRY

One of the best things about medicine as a profession, other than the nobility, money, respect and allied, is that you get to meet a lot of intersting people. And that is what makes life a little easy in the oterwise stressful environs of sickness, death and some 'sick' people.
“Patients are our teachers” is the dictim of medicine and as William Osborne has famously quoted “ To study medicine without textbooks is like charting an unknown sea, but, to study medicine without patients is like not going to the sea at all.” Indeed, patients teach us a lot about life or rather give us a lot of varied perceptions of life.
One thing that I realized after entering medicine, is that India, is a country of drunkards. There are drunkards every where, in every walk of life and every strata of society. Some drink, because they are happy. Some drink because they are sad. Some more drink, because everyone else is drinking. Some others only drink, because they are benevolent. They want to save the food and water for others, and hence decide to keep themselves on alcohol only peparations.
There was this particular Mr. Rada O. G. who was admitted with gastritis. I asked him,

apne peena kab se shuru kiya?”
Array dactar saab, you no English”

I know English”
Fir, ask in Angreji”

Why did you start drinking?”
My pitaji go to swargwas.”

Accha, to aapko sadma laga tha.”
No.NO. No sadma.”

To fir, aapne kyon peena shuru kiya?”
Array Dactar Saab, aapko nahi pata?” Obviously not, or why would I have asked you? But, I didn't tell him this and let him continue. “Streptococcal throat infection kaajeej rheumatic arthritis. Hamre peeeta-jee ko hua tha. Very bad condition. Very painful condition. You know. Every joint akad jaata hai. Thandi me very bad. Hum dekha hu ye sab. ”

To, uska peene se kya sanbandh?”
Array, you people donot know the importace of sanitisation and are kaazing microbial resistance”
To, uska peene se kya sanbandh?”
Array, kaise dactar ho aap, huh. Aap jaise log dacter ban nenge to is desh ka kya hoga. That is why I have to take care of this COUNTRY”

To, uska peene se kya sambandh?”
Thik hai, to listen and remember. Alcohol is the best sanitizer.”

Ye muzhe bhi pata hai. Par, uska peene se kya sambandh?”
What is your medicine. Kitna mehanga!!! God ,God. India is country of poor. I am poor, Aapko sasta dawai dena chahiye!”

To, uska peene se kya sambandh?”
Array baba. I drink alcohol. It kill all the sreptococcus in the throat. I not get arthritis. Understand. Ghar me saat -saat chota baccha hai hamar. Unka future ke baare me bhi to sochna padta hai!”

To appke hisab se muh se bas marna accha hai”
Haan bhaiya. See, alcohol before 18 years crime. OK. I talk to Aplu, Chaplu, Pappu, Gotya, Bablu, Chottu and Rani. They take alcohol from my breath to their breath. They protected”

Accha, aur 18 saal ke baad , toh they only buy their own baatli”
Abhi jaake ki aapne samajdari wali baat!”

Array chacha, aap ko samaj nahi aata ki jitna paisa aap sharab me gava rahe hai, utne me aapke bachhon ki padhai ho jaaye gi. Unka bhala hoga”
Array, this also I do for their bhala only. Today, they not get infection, tomorrow they are healthy. Tell me, health is wealth. To fir I make them wealthy,naa”

That was it coudn't take any more of this, lest he wiuld make me start drinking. I figured he was not in his senses. So I looked around to see if there was any relative whom I could ask some details. I saw a young boy of about 12, standing at the corner foot end of the bed. Poor fellow, looked so weak and fragile. All that his body had was bones and a layer of skin. From the way he was looking at us conversing, it figured out he should be one of the above mentioned. So I moved to ask him.

Ye tere kaun lagte hai?”
He is my father”

Ok. I'll ask you some questions, answer them properly.”
Ok”

Why did you have to bring your father here?”
That day he came home and his stomach was paining. Neighbour uncle said take him to KEM, so we brought him here.”

Hasn't anyone come to relieve you?”
No, I just came from home.”

Then do you not have enough money to wash your clothes?” I asked with serious concern, looking at the state of his clothing.
Why, these clothes are clean only. Baapu says, alcohol is the best cleaner. Baapu sprays alcohol in the house. It keeps the house germ-free. We donot have enough money to buy costly floor cleaners, so baapu uses the same for everything. I go to work at a shop i the evening. Then I study in the night. In the morning, I go to school. Sometimes, I donot get time to take a bath, but one should not be late to school. So, I do not change my school uniform. This is my school uniform. Baapu says it is clean.”

On the head end the BAAPU was over-hearing this conversation and smiling with pride for his off-spring. If only everyone's offsprings could be so obedient.

Accha, tell me has your Baapu ever fallen on the
road in a drunk state?” I tried to make the conversation a bit more meaningful.
No”.

'Thank God!' I thought.
The shop from which Baapu buys his drinks is just behind the bus-stop. They all know him nicely. They sit him in the bus. The bus stops outside our house. So, Baapu comes directly to the house. He has never fallen on the road.” He asserted.

SHARAVAN KI COUNTRY,” I thought aloud.

Array baapu, dactar saab ko bhi Shravan ki dukaan maalum hai”, went a loud message from the foot end to the head end.

Wah! Dactar saab. Apna number dijiye. Kabhi saath me baithenge. Garib ko bhi ek mauka deejiye. Aap bhi kya yaad karenge!”

Friday, May 6, 2011

AMMA JARA MERI TARAF DEKHO......


          This incident happened during my ophthalmology end post exam.
          My patient was a 65year old widow, hailing from UP. She had presented with a complaint of watery discharge from her eyes and gradual loss of vision. Usually staying in her village, she had come to Mumbai for her treatment and was currently lodged with her son and BAHURANI. It was the same BAHURANI and her JETHANI who had accompanied her to the OPD.
          So, I began. I introduced myself. All was fine untill I told her that I was a medical STUDENT and she was the one who was my exam case. I prefer being honest from the very begging, let all doubts be cleared initially, else should my mistake make a patient believe that doctors in my set up are not competent enough and lead to complete loss of trust. Finally trust is what bonds the patient to the doctor!
          I do not like referring her as a case, so I'll refer to her hence forth as “Amma”, as that is what I was actually addressing her. So, Amma became very defensive. Her Bahurani and her Jethani were taken aback by the revelation. “Oh my God”, they thought (I am the inner voice, remember) “What disease has Amma got, that this person is examining her for an exam!!”
“Pakka dal me kuch kala hai”, grumbled one of them. And they grumbled some more, most of which I do not remember. Perhaps they had realised, that I was going to be an extended session. They tried their level best to try to get Amma away. But, it seemed that the old lady was in a mood to defy them today.
Soon, they began sending her visual instructions from the corner of their eyes. I have seen many a women do these. It’s surprising how only they can do these; and more so, decipher them as the actions remain the same in every situation but the inference changes! But, little did they know, that Amma had diminished peripheral vision, and they most probably were in a blind area for her. This gave me a lot of courage. “Divine intervention” I thought!!
          I continued asking her questions, she continued answering them, unwillingly though. For her it was more of like a deep sea and devil situation. And she chose to persist with the devil.
 Then came the turn around. I had to examine her eyes. And I said, “AMMA JARA MERI TARAF DEKHO”. Again “divine intervention” I thought. If there was a 22 year old instead of this 66 year old, my instructions may have had some completely different altercations! Phew!  Medicine is tough, but only tough people last and survive.
          May be, I was unable to communicate my instructions to her properly, or maybe she wasn't getting them correctly, or maybe sh was in a rebellious mood in general.  So each time I had to restart and I would start by saying “AMMA JARA MERI TARAF DEKHO”. After a couple of times, Amma also started enjoying this attention.
          One thing, it would have been after such long ages that someone was actually trying to attract her attention, if I may say.
           Secondly, it would also have been after ages that she was getting so much attention.
           And the topping on the cake came when I took her for a check-up. She identified with the place as the same place where she had been stranded for over an hour not more than two days ago. But, today she had royal treatment. She had skipped the queue.
           She would have looked around at the endless queue of patients and thought, how any of them barely got to talk for more than 5 min to their doctor, here she was with a doctor already since 20 minutes and ready to spend even more time with her. And to top it all it was him who was actually patiently listening to her, politely repeating the instructions again and again until she finally got it right. And for once, even the Mamas in the wards were behaving softly with her!
           I could feel it from the smile that was growing her face. The more she tried to hide it, the more widely it grew. She had just within a span of three minutes turned so co-operative
          While all this was going on, someone was not happy. No I am not referring to that batch mate of mine who had actually got a real nut of a person to crack. It was the Bahurani and her Jethani. Either, I was subconsciously overhearing their conversations, or they were consciously ensuring that it was overheard. This is one more of those special abilities of the ladies; they ensure you hear what they want to say.
          All the time they were grumbling, “ Ye kidher fas gaye”. Or, “ Kya Timepass ho raha hai. (As if you've put your time to great use by watching those family sops.)
          Yes, I heard it!
          “Amma ko to idher laana hi nahi chahiye tha”. “Ye log kuch bhi kar rahe hai”. “Abhi tak to ghar bhi pahunch jaate”. “kal to dekha tha, aaj fir se kyu dekh rahe hain”. And they went on and on. Finally came the revelation, “Array, mera serial chut jaayega. Aur pata hai, iska repeat bhi nahi aata!”
          I think I even glimpsed at them once. Wasn't it wonderful to see those 64 teeth exposed and shining in a friendly manner! (They were 2 of them, and I actually counted them). Ladies again!
          But Amma was too happy turning a deaf year to the Bahurani and her Jethani.
          “Booo, Not your day today”, I felt like kidding them. But, the apron on my body prevented me from saying this.
          All went fine. Exam however wasn't that fine!! And when Amma was to leave, she looked up and told me,” Accha dactar ban na”. That is one gesture, I cannot forget. I am still surprised, how a patient for whom I thought I would have to present as, “CONSCIOUS, COHERENT, but UNCOOPERATIVE”, had actually said such a thing. More than anything else I could feel the warmth in those words.
All this while, the two accompanying ladies still continued to grumble. I looked on as they walked out of the OPD, two well built figures engrossed in each other and a frail figure trying to keep pace with them. Maybe, a little attention is all that people want at that stage of their life.
          May be all that is needed is for someone to tell them,
“AMMA JARA MERI TARAF DEKHO!”

Saturday, April 16, 2011

WHEN MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS

WHEN MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!



The matter is serious to recieve a glance,
This happens only in a century once,
Read on to find out the cause,
WHY MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!


It was the lecture de morning,
And if that wasn't a sufficient warning,
But no one had even imagined, that at 8'O clack,,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

He was punctual as usual,
At the tip of the clock was his arrival,
The night's sleep he had first-class,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

The teacher was late,
My friend had even not his breakfast ate,
But it happened as was destined,
OUT OF THE CLASS!” the teacher opined

He isn't a back bencher,
Nor is he ever a part of any mischevious venture,
Innocent he is as the animal that grazes grass,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

Such was the situation's gravity,
It shook the entire student fraternity,
Life, we thought was now an empty glass,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

I tried to find a reason,
What may have been his treason?
All I could say was Alas!
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

Slowly he walked down the isle,
It was for him, an extende mile,
As he came to face the wrath,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

With his head down, he stood obediently,
Why had the teachersummoned him abruptly,
Without even being given a defence chance,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

Something the teacher to him whispered,
Something that every student heard,
But that wasn't a strong flowervaz,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

He didnot object or fight,
For his mannerisms polite,
On his face emerged a smile,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS THAT WHILE!

Now as the air began to clear,
I could understand what I hear,
My friend had a problem with his RAAS*,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

This was enough to stimulate my curiosity,
I let it out as my creativity,
Life is not made of marbled glass,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

But he could have saved his skinny,
Had been a bit witty,
But being a book-worm(sorry for this I can't think of any other thing to rhyme with), he coulnot save his ***,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

So my friend You donot doze,
After in the morning you have rose,
Atleast not in the front benches,
MY FRIEND, YOU'LL BE CHUCKED OUT OF ALL THE OTHER CLASSES!

I know it happens with you every day,
Like from the window enters a sunray,
You could've taken him for a movie to EROS,
WHEN MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

Such an event is rare in our clan,
Just as rare as consumption of the products of bran,
Now I am Doing time- pass,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!
I have enjoyed writing this blog,
It is not rude to laugh,
Take care not to drop your viewing glass,
MY FRIEND WAS CHUCKED OUT OF THE CLASS!

*RAAS- Reticular ascending activating system- Pathways in the brain that keep one awake.