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Monday, October 25, 2021

Reverend Father Google

 How would you know that I have done my schooling from a convent school? Well, for one I’ve asked a rhetorical question, so that is hint enough(Samazdaar ko ishaara kaafi hai). Two, you can search me on facebook and see my about info and melody khaao aur khud jaan jao. But high chances are that you are reading this article by clicking the link that I’ve posted on FB, so, that’s that. Three, you’re enchanted by my neat cursive handwriting (a close friend with whom I’ll be catching up in the very near future, prefers to call it curly-curly handwriting instead. She also calls food nom-nom).  My professor was. And he immediately figured out that I had a convent education, but also supplemented his observation with the wisdom, that public opinion of me being a qualified professional of the modern medicine system (i.e. an Allopathic doctor) would be averse as patients would be able to easily decipher my prescriptions. So, now-a-days I have restricted myself to only give prescriptions in numericals. (Go figure out what a plus 10 Dioptre sphere over minus 5.5 Dioptre cylinder at 135 degrees means)

Anyway, going back to school time memories (which right now stand exactly half a lifetime ago for me). School days are formative years and I developed my well-rounded personality with an equally well-rounded snowman-like bodyform in school and have maintained it over the years by actively adopting a lifestyle of sedentary work and physical inactivity coupled with a specially curated high carbohydrate and fat diet.

A part of English Composition curriculum in school was letter writing.  ‘Write a letter to a friend describing your holidays’. (Well, technically at that age, all the friends that I had were living within a couple of buildings’ radius. They knew what I had done in my vacation. Why would I write them a letter?) Then the teacher would dictate a letter describing some lovely vacation I had in Manali.( The description made me envious, because I didn’t go for that lovely vacation in Manali and if I had to actually send that letter, it would make me friend envious even more). I guess, recent trend in schools may have shifted to “write a FB post to make the world envious of the picture perfect holiday you had and also upload a thousand photos with it.” But, I have also come to the understanding that the world has long moved past FB to Insta, so I guess the exercise now would be #describe #your #instaholidays in #hastags.

Then there used to be the exercise of write a lie leave letter to Principal (that’s one proforma that one really needs to master from a tender age) and other such formal letters. So, the usual letter writing books we had, started letters with ‘Respected Principal Mr. XYZ’. But, the letter dictated to convent kids start with ‘Reverend Father XYZ’. (That usually caused confusion during the earlier school years with us thinking “that’s not my father”, “my father is not the Principal”, “Yay! My father is the Principal”, “Shit! My father is the PRINCIPAL” variable from case to case.)

Fast forward to my days as a solo fellow in a heavy retina department, younglings wanting to rid themselves of Ben Franklin’s invention kept me busy (especially on Saturday evenings) as I searched every nook and crany of their Ora serratae right upto the insertion of the second cranial nerve to the location where it pierced the sclera of their eyes and became one with the inner lining of the eye, for all the 360 degrees and for both eyes, with the zeal of Indiana Jones searching for lost treasures. Ophthalmology is a subject very few doctors know much about. “What do you do?” A MBBS batchmate recently asked me. “I shine bright light into peoples’ eyes and scold them if they blink”, I replied. As per a recent international survey, less than 1% of all qualified doctors globally know how to use an Indirect Ophthalmoscope. (Well, why do I quote this statistic? Because it gives me the chance to brag that I’ve tamed this monster to high level of expertise).

So, these insta-hastager younglings (I earlier used to call people over 30 as uncle and aunties, but ever since I’ve transitioned onto the toddler side of 30 last year, I’ve stopped using that terminology. I now despise those not yet 30 and derogate them as younglings), don’t read any hardcopies of any books anymore. Whichever fancy school/college they attend, the smartphone with all its apps is their constant companion.

So, this one Saturday, yet another youngling walked into the consultation chamber wanting to utilise the services of Indiana Jayesh. True to my nature, I took my archeological excavation tools and began digging deep to unearth the secrets that lie within the confines of his eyes.  Lo and behold! What a discovery! I detected a segment of his retina detaching. Timely discovery indeed! Advised him to undergo a prophylactic laser procedure to halt the detachment from progressing further.

As has been the bane of every doctor in my generation, no one takes our word of advice anymore.

“I want to talk to my father first” he said. I would’ve been happier if he had said that he would like to consult another eye doctor (unless his father was an eye doctor that I was unaware of).

“OK!” I said.”But the condition is an emergency.”

“Here or anywhere else, you better get the laser done ASAP” I added. (Everyone takes second opinions. He was just being thoughtful and not hurting my feelings by telling me that he wanted to leave me to go to another, but I was just breaking ice and addressing the elephant in the room.)

About 15 minutes later, he came back willing to undergo the procedure. His father had consented, I thought. The procedure lasted about 20 minutes after which I explained him the precautions and danger signs and the follow-up routine.

“Actually doctor” he said hesitantly, “I had not gone to call to my father that time. I Googled. And I read all that came up. It also said that it is an emergency.”

15 years of my painstaking training being held hostage to a Google search!

But for whatever it was worth, an eye had been saved at the end of the day. Earlier people trusted doctors in good faith. In my career people will trust me only in Google faith! Having come to this realisation, I decided to pen down a letter in neat cursive expressing my heartfelt gratitude to Google.

But being the convent educated kid I ended up addressing the letter to Reverend Father Google.

Sunday, September 5, 2021

The Heart that never wept!

 The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

No dream ever broken,

No opportunity ever taken,

O The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

No shred of esteem it ever lost,

A winner it was at all cost,

And every time it felt such joy,

O boy! O boy! O boy!

The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

And so went on the saga, eons turned to ages,

Until one storm it found itself surrounded by wreckages,

O The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

Ripped off all accolades,

All medals and trophies it ever won,

One punch received such,

It lost its Midas’ touch.

The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

O! The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

All castles in the air had fallen,

All the steel and iron had molten,

Reduced to lesser than ashes,

It only sighed in suppressed hushes,

The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

Reduced now to bones bare,

Forget clothes, not even an inch of skin to spare,

As it tried to figure it had landed where,

O goodness, what a living nightmare,

The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

Wasn’t there a time when wishing for more was a norm?

To take on the bull by its horn.

But now it was afraid of the shark, and even the snail,

Was this it, on its coffin hammered the final nail?

O The heart that never wept!

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

The waves rose deadly,

It searched around sadly,

Alas! It saw no shore,

Neither a boat, not even an ore!

O The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

The situation was tough, the weather was rough,

Sadly The heart wasn’t seasoned enough,

No direction, no mission,

‘Stay afloat!’ it had a divine vision!

O The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

Like a duck it began to paddle, not swim, just paddle,

Unloaded from itself all the baggage, all the saddle,

Deja Vu! And once again it felt such joy,

O boy! O boy! O boy!

The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

‘Paddle! Paddle!’ Let it be labelled a clown,

If it ever drown,

For it would still be victory

If it drowned of fatigue and not of a defeated jittery!

 

‘Paddle! Paddle!’ Now it is thankful, it faced this session,

For it taught a great lesson,

A lesson to not budge,

For it realised, it was its own judge.

O The heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept!

 

‘Paddle! Paddle!’ And now it pondered,

Over the past its thoughts wildly wandered,

In this new found glory as it basked,

But one question begged to be asked,

When it was the heart that never wept,

How peacefully at night it ever slept?

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Just Like Old Times.....

 On Sat, 6th March 2021, I took the 2nd dose of CoviShield. A day after the first dose, I did end up having some fever and chills. Well, after the second, the story was just the same, but the reaction a little stronger, i.e. fever and chills at around 14 hours compared to 36 hours last time, a stronger headache, a bit more of the general weakness and luckily, a Sunday to follow, to rest and recover. Symbolically, this may just be the beginning to the end of one of the most uncertain times of life my generation has faced. But times have always been uncertain in terms of the present and the future - it is only when one looks behind and connects the dots that just about any “pattern of certainty” ever comes up, if at all, i.e.

So, the last “uncertain phase” that I had was no longer than 2 years ago. Still remember like it was yesterday, the December of 2018. Komal’s wedding to attend, a thesis to submit and a race against time. Will I be able to attend a dear friend’s wedding? – well, provisional to the status of my thesis completion (Post that, it was –Will my thesis get accepted? Then, will I clear my theory.....what about practicals....... so on and so forth it goes on. One just being a stepping stone to another).

31st December, the last day to submit thesis and a few days before that, a close friend’s wedding to attend. One of the rules that I had set for myself during my residency years was to try and not to miss any friend’s wedding. Because time was an entity to be rationed, I had my priorities set. {Still missed on attending 3 very close weddings..... that’s 3 too many :( for this lifetime....}

Anyway, since the chances of a last minute cancellation loomed large, I preferred to book a Rajdhani for my to and fro between Dilli and Mumbai over a flight simply because, one cancellation charges were feasibly acceptable and two, because cancellation charges were feasibly acceptable. (A “two” and fro journey). Third, because time had to be utilised wisely, 22 hours at a stretch in a Rajdhani compartment would allow one the mental peace to finish up a good amount of thesis writing, compared to the 8 hours - of travelling to the airport, security check, boarding a flight, check out and then reaching home – that would be rendered non productive, times 2.

A day before departure, I figured out that with my thesis discussion approved by my guides, I just had to finish up some proof editing, so the trip was on!! Hurrah! After a year in Coimbatore, I have sort of a faded memory of the “Dilli ki sardi”, but just remind myself that there’s a song about it – “tadpaaye tarsaaye re’, saari raat jagaye re’......Dilli ki sardi”.

I love trains, (that’s point number 4 of why Rajdhani >> Flights), second only to Sheldon Cooper when it comes to being a rail enthusiast. If the one of the functions of travelling is to learn life lessons, then a journey in the Indian Railways is a university certificate course.

Usually, I always reach the jugjug gaadi station a whole hour in advance to the departure (despite Indian railways following Indian Standard time, ‘cause I just love trains and the colourful chaos at the station). But in the Dilli ki sardi, peaking (or troughing, if you are a stickler for linguistic accuracy) at 4 deg C (Single digit), where even five layers of clothes can’t keep you warm for more than 3 minutes, I tried to play it short. So, with my train from New Delhi scheduled for departure at 10:50 pm, at 9:30 pm I started searching for Ola/Uber (around 50 minutes the drive from East of Kailash to Paharganj). Still sitting at home, 2 drivers had already declined, and the time was 9:40. So, I thought it better to go down and try and latch onto an auto. Maybe the cost haggling will provide some much needed warmth in this spine chilling, mind numbing climate.

Now, there’s a word for things that are different but sound alike. I don’t recollect it now, maybe it is called alliteration (I hate to google stuff that I don’t know about. If I google, I’m sure the result will eventually be that I am having some type of brain cancer. So, just in case, there’s a masters in Eng-leash literature reading this one, please un-leash your knowledge and let me know). Just as I was accumulating enough guts to head out and try and catch an auto, before I catch the cold, freeze and join the undead army of the Night King, I glanced at my ticket.

So, the alliteration (or whatever it is called- a rose by any other name would still be equally fragrant, a Jayesh by any other name would still be equally funny) which foxed me was the almost monoamniotic twin like similarity between fifteen and fifty. Boarding 10:15pm, departure 10:20 pm.

Now, I have small deep set eyes and they literally shut when I just as much as smile, let alone grin. Friends have displayed their astonishment over how I can even “see”, when I laugh (perhaps this led to the scientific curiosity that eventually made me take up ophthalmology as a career). But there are those marked occasions, such as the one mentioned above, when my oculi, lauch themselves out of the confines of the bony walls of the orbit of my facial skeleton and go into an orbit around whatever celestial object is available. (Sometimes newspapers have reported them as unexpected comet/UFO sightings). But this time, I had to hold them in place with both my hands, because we just didn’t have the time for them to finish a parikrama of the solar system.

So, with a racing heart, and hoping against hope to find an auto, while simultaneously frantically refreshing Ola/Uber, I decided to activate plan B. {Plan B: Head back to the warm comfort of home, and log on to IRCTC and cancel tickets and get a refund and message Komal -  “Sorry Yaaaar....... Can’t make it. Thesis not complete. I know you’ll understand. Damn this residency. Will catch up when I come back. Best Wishes. And I definitely am gonna take a treat from you. Much Love.” – the following morning.}

But, the thing about hope is, the first three letters are H-O-P. So, O boy!! Didn’t I hop into the only auto I saw driving that night (that too in the opposite direction. Some stunt for someone with my level of athleticism). He had only as much as made eye contact, and decelerated and before he knew it, I was already in his passenger seat. He continued driving.

“Bhaiyya, Nai Dilli station.”  I said.

He took a U turn. (Thank God! Cause, I wouldn’t have gotten off if he had refused and knowing Delhi, that would have been the night I would have gotten abducted. Some luck!)

“Kitna loge?” I asked.

“Tin so”

“Jyaada hai. Ola to dedhso me mil raha hai.” (Wishes are horses beggars can ride. But, three years in Dilli, I had learnt the Dilli ways)

“Nahi Bhaiyaa, tin so hi hoga.” He said. (I was expecting – To fir Ola hi kar lo. But, luckily that didn’t come. Maybe the cold had chilled out that Dilli youth’s khaulta hua garam khoon.)

“Dedh so theek hai.”

“Do so”

Finally 5 minutes later and 3 km away we agreed on 180. Plan B scrapped. Trip On.

With my eyes glued to Google maps, I was seeing the ETA as 25 minues. That’s 5 minues too many. At the Humayun’s tomb round about and no traffic to be seen, I figured, we could make it in 10.

“Bhaiyaaaa... Thoood.....aaaaa..... tejjjjjjjjj.... chaaa....laaaa...oooo” I said, may teeth clammering.

“Aur tej........ nah....iiiiiii hogaaaaaaa Bhaiiiiiyaaaaa” he replied (his teeth clammering).

“Tej karo bhaiya.. 10 minute me train hai.” (Teeth still clammering, but for the ease of reading, I’ve taken away the special effects. All conversations hereforth to be visualised as with teeth clammering.)

“Nahi hoga. Ungliyaan bhi mahsus nahi ho rahi. Gaadi pe control nahi hai.”

“Tej chalo bhaiyaa. Phizul ki baat mat karo. Gloves to pehna hai na” (That’s some Dilli attitude there, eh!)

“Kya bhaiyaa aap........(some pleasantries in muffled voice under his muffler)”.

ETA 15 minutes........ Reactivate Plan B. Open WhatsApp. Start typing the message. I could see myself reaching New Delhi and wave off the Rajdhani a heart wrenching bye-bye.

Anyway, despite all efforts from my autowalla (just giving him the benefit of doubt), I didn’t (i.e. DID NOT) reach on time. 5 minutes post departure time, is when I was the gates of NDLS. Then, I ran, only to find that there was a queue for security check. Just in the frustration of the moment, I did go ahead with the security check as well and reached platform 7. And Ola (as an expression of surprise, not the car service that had royally ditched me.), Rajdhani’s still there on the station (Dilli’s winter comes with Dilli’s fog and aint no train gonna remain unaffected). Run again. Hop into the first bogey that I could get into. Quite a ‘Jab we met’ moment it was.

Here’s rule one of travelling by Indian Rail. Get into the first bogey you can get into and then ask, “Bhaiya kaunsa coach hai?” and then find your way through. (Metaphorically speaking, this is also applicable for taking important life decisions. Take one, and then make your way through.) So, as I was searching for a Bhaiyya to ask him “Mai kaha hu? (in a quintessential 80’s bollywood style)” I could feel a tremor indicating that a change in the inertia of the train had been effected by an accelerating force. (i.e.Train had started moving). Eventually, made it to my coach and berth.

 

PART-II:

 

Another aspect of travelling in Indian Rail, is that if you are a single male, you’ll try and book for a side upper, but your seat will be shuffled at will. Courtesy an SMS from IRCTC, my initially allotted berth and coach had been changed after charting. As I settled into my compartment, I glanced around. I was travelling with two families. One of 4 (granpa, granma, mumma, her hyperactive almost ADHD 8 year old daughter) and another one of 4 (hubby, his bibi and two sons, who seemed 3y and 5y).

It was a late departure, so all slept well. Next morning after a cup of tea at Ajmer, I decided to start my thesis work. I didn’t have the side upper, but an aisle side 3 rd seat. The kids had woken up. The boys were quiet and well behaved, majorly fascinated and occupied by the scenes outside the window. The young lady had gotten into her elements and started singing and dancing and slapping her mumma. Every half an hour granma would say to mumma, “Tumhara ladki haath se nikal raha hai. Isko control karo”. From their accents I could figure out that they were probably South Indians settled in Dilli since long and had adopted Hindi as their lingua franca. Anyway, bearing through that din, I continued my thesis work, with some regular distractions every time the young lady started singing and dancing, followed by granma’s advise to mumma.

The other young family was a delight. Never seen two young boys being so well behaved for so long. Stark contrast between what was happening to my left and my right.

In between, the train halted at Surat. I called Prachi.

“Kidhar hai? Where is?” bespoke me. “I’m in Surat.”

“O Great! I’m at home.” Prachi replied. “When are you coming?”

“OK. Now I am not in Surat. Hehe.” I replied as the train started pulling out.

“Matlab?” Prachi’s confused reply.

“I’m in train re. Train’s left Surat now. Going back by Rajdhani as well. Will call you then. Bye. Take care.” (On the return trip, Prachi and Viral came to the station and we caught up for the 5 minutes that the halt there was for. Also, they brought tasty khichia papad for me which I savoured for quite a few days.)

As Mumbai dear neared, my interest in my thesis began to vanish. So, the laptop was shut, all data backed up on a pendrive and google drive and I gave in to the wave of excitement and anticipation that was rushing through.

Dahanu came around 4pm ish. One of the boys’, the 3 year old started becoming cranky. Too long a ride for a kid that age. That’s when my attention was diverted to this family on the side berths to my left. Hubby and bibi were talking.

Hubby to bibi: Marine drive chalna hai? (Ah Marine Drive! Just the mention of it got me more interested in their conversation.)

Just then the lady received a SMS. She read it and then turned to her hubby and said.

“O it’s a message from that guy. So there was this kid in my class. He didn’t submit his assignments. I failed him. He’s messaged that he’s qualified for merchant navy. He asked me to pass him, but I did not. Whatever he was doing, he should have submitted his assignments. Huh.....” she said.

Bibi: Bhel puri khaate hai.....

“Just like old times” they whispered in perfect nostalgic synchrony.

 

 

This passing – failing business is a major ethical dilemma I have seen some of my professors face. Each one has a different work around to it. I recall one of my Professors in KEM, who believed that no resident should be failed and they deserved to pass purely on the basis of the volume of work they had done during their residencies. “If he is a good doctor, patients will come to his clinic, otherwise they won’t.”

Another one believed in the sanctity of the examination process. One day can’t determine how good a candidate is, he agreed, it may be his off day. But, that’s the process. He would give ample of opportunities for a candidate to pass. “Exams are to assess how much they know, not what they do not know. If they know enough, they deserve to pass. And if they don’t, they don’t.”

A third one believed (arbitrarily) that passing percentage can NOT be more than x% and so (100-x)% candidates would compulsorily fail, irrespective. And there were some in betweeners who would pass a candidate if she looked pretty, or someone was answering questions after reading books they had authored and so on and so forth and vice-versa.

Anyway 2 years later, with a second wave of Corona splashing the globe with the vengeance of a tsunami, so many a careers have been devastated. What I still recall, though, is the tone of that “HUH”- one which intended to dwarf a bona fide achievement of a hardworking candidate. One which couldn’t accept that the other had succeeded, where she had rendered him a failure. On ethical grounds, yes, I agree he should have been held back (or may not have been also. Just don’t give him a gold medal.) But what was distressing was the lack of neutrality, let alone empathy, in that response.

Time is a commodity we all ration. 2 years down the line, I don’t know if submitting those assignments at the cost of a shot at a merchant navy career would have stood him good. But it is everyone’s guess.

New normal or not, the answer will be the same.............

“Just like old times.”