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Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I am one of those people who is constantly influenced by trends in society, a little slow to understand stuff and one who always messes up in life, big time. I watch only those movies which come with sub-titles. I hardly apply my own knowledge and utilize my own understanding. I feel using my common sense will deplete it. I do what everyone else does – blind folded. It is easier to follow in the footsteps of others than trying to be a yourself. You mix in well with you know, and don't take up fights and animosities and always end up with bad company. Everyone loves you and you love everyone back and love spreads and overwhelms my life at times.

My mom always maintained that I should restrict myself to singing on television and not at home or in temples or public places to keep myself safe from being mobbed down by fans. So, I participated in Indian Idol. There were so many souls there who thought that they were great singers. Well if just learning one song would make someone a good singer, I can sing all songs new or old, classical or western with equal finesse and expertise, that too without any training. But they did not even let in me audition. Such injustice. When I argued for my right to participation, they said,” You sing so well, that the judges will get a bout of depression and music labels will have to shut down as people may stop listening to music all together.”

But I did not lose hope. I took this rejection in my stride. I then went to audition for “ the Great Indian Laughter Challenge”. There too the same problem. They did not let me audition saying that the quality of my jokes was way too advanced for the public to understand it, appreciate it and be able to laugh.

OK. Fine. So next went, for “ Dance India Dance”. Baby bad luck followed me there as well. My partner was a bit heavy, and I could not catch her when she jumped in the air. ( I felt intimidated). she fell off the stage. I was disqualified. Her mother stared threatening to sue me. And I was fined for the table that broke.

Then I recollected, that I had read some where that social service helps to bye bye baby bad luck. So I went to an asylum. I met an acquaintance there. He looked at me and smiled happily. How happy he was to see me there!!! Even before I would tell him the reason for my arrival, he muttered, “Now you've come where you belong”. He sent two peons to usher me. For the first time in my life I felt that I belonged somewhere. This is where I wanted to be. But again, I was kicked out. I protested. But they said that my influence was too much for them to handle.

This is not right. I am a specially talented personality. At every stage of life I've had set backs only because I am more talented than others. Ye kaha ka insaaf hai?

Then I decided to go for 'Sach ka Samna'. He asked me the first question – Have you ever been kicked out? I said “ Yes.”

Q. 2 Have you ever put on your shirt buttons. - No.

Q. 3 Does your mother still spoon feed you. - Yes.

Q. 4 Do people run away from you.- Yes.

Q. 5 Do you have an ambition in life. - No.

Q. 6 Have you ever spoken intelligent. - No.

Q. 7 Do you bed wet. - Yes.

Q. 8 Are you ever of any help. - No.

Q. 9 Is Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag your favourite movie. - Yes.

The next question was to give me Rs. 10 lakh. This amount could not be taken away from me. He offered me to quit. But I have never been afraid of telling truth in my life. I decided to continue.

Q. 10 Do you forget to wear your pants when you go out. - No.

But be said that it was a wrong answer. I had once again come so close to winning and lost it. Now, I realise, perhaps this is the reason why people giggle when I pass by.

My instant fame got me a fan though. This girl contacted me. She said she had always dreamt of a loyal and true person like me all her life. We met. I fell for her. Her hair was blonde and she was very intelligent. “Jackpot !”, I exclaimed. We had a quite a private time on the wada-pav thela. I liked way she was fighting for a 25 paise coin. Such a courageous girl. We were outside an electronics store, where she pointed to an oven and said it was the latest TV. Such a sense of humor. When we were on our way back, I told her that I liked her blonde hair. But that her teeth were more blonde than her hair. She walked off and never came back. Shattered!!

That's when I saw a new TV show on past life regression. I applied. I wanted to know what I had done, that I was suffering such set backs.

I reached the set. The lady told me to relax. She said she would hypnotize me. I soon lost all touch with reality. Now she was controlling me.

I wandered over endless desserts, and seas and mountains and clouds.

Until I reached some trance. I was visualizing my past lives.

Life 1: I was a tortoise. I sang songs in the pond. Pond had dried. Birdie offered help. Took me by a twig. Midway in air requested a song. I sang. Crashed.

Life 2: I was a joker in a King's court. Pulled the king's mustache and kissed his daughter. Nailed.

Life 3: I was a damsel in distress. Knight came to my rescue. Master attacked him. I wore a short skirt. Knight distracted. Knight died.

Life 4: I was scientist. Wanted to prove law of gravity and air resistance. Jumped along with apple and feather from a tower. Proved the law, but didn't live to tell to others.

Life 5: I was a hunk. Hottie asked me if I knew a man who would rub suntan. Directed her to the beach cafe.

Life 6: I was a blonde. Doomed.

Things now got crystal clear to me. I had to break the jinx. I decided to get realistic. I decided that I should study and become intelligent and smart and make “wise decisions”. Got good marks in 10th. Chose science. Studied hard in 12th.

Current life: Doctor.