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Tuesday, November 2, 2010



“Yo Dude, what's up?”, just happens to be the most commonly uttered statement of the urban lingo. Everyone is a "DUDE", now a days.

I was taken aback, when someone I happened to meet after a long span of time addressed me as a “ Dude” . I, at first thought that perhaps he had mistaken me for someone else,but no, he recollected my name just fine.

This sent me into sort of a thought spiral as to how I had unconsciously transformed into a “Dude'. I spent many a days gauging at my reflexion in front of the mirror. I started going through my recent photos, comparing them to my erstwhile ones, when I wasn't a "DUDE". But, to no avail. It then occurred to me that my dear friend may also have been addressed by someone as a "DUDE", and in all his wisdom taken it to be a respectful complement, and in his effort to bowl me over with his vocabulary prowess may have rattled it out. The day is not far, when guys will start addressing their wives and girlfriends as “Dudes”, and perhaps then they may be forced to find out what it means.

In the mean time, those who want to play safe and not run into trouble, may follow these basic guidelines.

1. A “Dude” is specifically a guy, as per the current classification.

2. His age can range from 14 years onwards to as long as he lives.

3. A normal person prefers speaking in Hindi, Marathi, or his local tongue. A “Dude” behaves as if these are alien to him.

4. A “Dude” speaks English. He has an accent, which is easily recognized to be fake, and which renders him incognito. Whenever a normal guy speaks English he is clear and understandable.

5. A “Dude's” chest and upper arm are his greatest dimensions. A normal guy's waist is usually his greatest dimension.

6. A normal guy dyes his white hair black, while a "DUDE" dyes his black hair white.

7. When with his beloved, a normal guy would look at her. A “Dude” on the other hand is busy trying to get her to look at his biceps and pectorals.

8. A normal guy usually does not spend much on his love. A “Dude” takes a loan for his 'love'.

9. A normal guy's shoulder is usually big enough for his girl to cry on. A “Dude's” shoulder is usually small enough for the girl's entire clan to cry on.

10. A normal guy learns from his mistakes. He only thinks of being with that cute girl. A “Dude” is with a new cute girl every fortnight. Only a “Dude” is dumb enough to commit the same mistake so often.

11. A normal guy's diet is rich in fats. A “Dude's” diet is rich in steroids.

12.Most of a normal guy's nutrition is channeled to his brain. Most of a “Dude's” nutrition in channeled to useless chunks of flesh.

13. A normal guy has more gray matter and less red muscles. A “Dude” has only red muscles, and no gray matter.

14. Most of a normal guy's gray matter is situated between his ears. While, that of a “Dude” is in the knee joint.

15. A normal guy says “TIBIA and FIBULA”, while a “Dude” says,'TIBULA' or 'FIBIA'.

16. The dictum, once a "DUDE" always a "DUDE", is not true.

There have been rare instances of reversion back to normalcy.

“So "DUDE", I think I have made myself clear !”