Off late I have
been enjoying The Big Bang Theory. And the character which appeals the most to
me is Sheldon. The high IQ part, love of Physics and know all attitude apart,
another similarity which I find with the character, is our innocence when it
comes to decoding Sarcasm.
For a very long
time I was in the dark as to what the word SARCASM meant itself. I first came
across the term in my 6th standard when while reading a writer’s
biopic, came a sentence, “He was a master of sarcasm.” Sarcasm? What was that?
An average student would have either asked the teacher what it meant or better
still just not bother about it as he didn’t bother about the other things that
he didn’t understand. But, I thought I’ll look it up in the dictionary when I
reach home. Then in the Geography lecture that followed, the teacher spoke
about SAARC (South Asian Association for Regional Co-operation). Being the
analytical and inquisitive mind that I was since a tender age I figured out
that in English all religions end with ‘ism’. For eg., Jainism, Buddhism,
Hinduism, Judaism, Zorostrianism and so on. So, SARCASM was the RELIGION OF THE
SAARC PEOPLE. I didn’t discuss this with anyone, wanting to selfishly hoard the
knowledge to myself as many of my colleagues still do.
Then I entered
medicine. This field has been a life changer for me in more ways than one. In
medicine I learnt that anything that ends with an ‘asm’ is a disease. Eg.,
spasm, neoplasm etc. So, when I was the Editor-in-Chief of the Medical College
Magazine last year and some of the members on the editorial board suggested
that we add a section on Sarcasm in the magazine, I realised that in the light
of the recent advances in vocabulary, as sarcasm has an ‘asm’ not ‘ism’ it is a
disease and as almost everyone that you see at in my college is into some or
the other research, perhaps they had researched into sarcasm and wanted to
publish their findings. OK, I said. Why not? This also cleared my long lasting
doubt as to what ‘being sarcastic’ was. I always felt bad, that despite trying
to search for literature on the Practices and Believes of Sarcasm and finding
none, people easily used phrases such as ‘stop behaving sarcastic’, ‘very
sarcastic’ etc. How did they know so much about the concepts of Sarcasm, a long
lost religion when it wasn’t even being taught in school or preached somewhere?
Now, if I were to consider Sarcasm as a disease, then being Sarcastic made
sense, just as being spastic made sense. That writer that I had read about was
a biologist who had researched on sarcasm and also written some novels, like
most of us nowadays. (I thought it was related to sarcoidosis)
Just by the way,
when Baba Ramdev was enjoying his claim to fame, for a short time I also
believed that Sarcasm was described in Yoga as Sarc-Aasan, and when I had gone
on a tour to South India, I thought Sarcasm was a Mallu delicacy like Rasam,
Uttapam, Payappam, Prasadam etc. etc.
So, we had a full
section dedicated to sarcasm and my editors handpicked the articles for the
section. And when the book was released, a large chunk of people came
complaining, ‘There is no sarcasm in sarcasm.’ A couple of contributors even
came and said, ‘Jayesh, how could you put my article in sarcasm. It was
intended for philosophy, not sarcasm!’ To this my standard reply would be, “I
know. Even I didn’t find anything in your article sarcastic, but the editors
made the choices.” I mean they were not research papers, but the editors would
have labelled me a dictator if I had objected to this decision of theirs.
But, the final
nail in the coffin came last week and my eyes opened and I finally got down
opening the dictionary and looking up what sarcasm actually meant. I’ll
describe the chain of events for you. There is this old foe turned friend in
college. Old foe, because we were competitors in 12th and she wouldn’t
be particularly happy on seeing my usually delirious devilish demeanour (I know
because she was quite vocal about it then as she is now), turned friend,
because as luck would have it, we were batch mates in the first year and she
sort of relied on me to pass her exams. Not that I showed her my papers, but
she somehow managed to take a peek into them anyway. So, old foe, you can’t
trust. She would encourage me to write about people in our college and comment
on all the gossip that was going on. While at the same time, she went about bhadkaoing
all those people and uksaoing them to slap me, until a weak hearted human being finally fell
for the temptation last week. As I walked into her and a common friend to whom
a blog has been dedicated, she declared to me what she was doing all these
years when I considered her a friend and even before I could say anything, I
had five fingers imprinted on my left cheek, courtesy the other friend as he
declared, “Jayesh, how could you have written such things about me.” One more
had come up to the Gymkhana the other day, in a manner that was quite
reminiscent of those movies of 70s & 80s when the hero (usually Dharmendra)
would enter into the villain’s den, unarmed and alone, shout “Kutte-kamine, maa
ka doodh piya hai to bahar nikal”, tell him a few things right-left and
centre, enrage him, then about 2000 strong fauj of the villain, with fully
loaded guns and grenades would attack him, and with a few acrobatic skills and a
fighting technique with sound effects of ‘bhishum bhishum’ would kill them
all and leave, his anger avenged. Luckily, this time no one got killed, but he
did speak to me requesting me “to stop this non sense”, in some not so polite
words. The next day onward, I decided to be a little careful about what I
commented. So, while I usually am very straight faced and do not hold myself
back even while making nasty comments, and refrain from saying polite things as
a rule, I toned down a bit and commented “Nice photo” on the profile pic of one
of my friends. I expected the reply would be, “Thank you JAYESH”. Instead I
got, “Are you being sarcastic?”
This is what
people have begun to think of me. Even Anu Kapoor calls me a ‘Sarcastic sperm’
now.
Girl:
Do you love me?
Boy: Yes. Yes, I love you.
Girl: How much?
Boy: I cannot tell you.
Girl: Till when will you love me?
Boy: Till death do us apart.
Girl: What will you do if I die? (Didn’t
you hear, he said the love lasts only till death do you apart.)
Boy: I will go mad. (Seriously???)
Girl: You love only me?
Boy: Yes, only you. And no one else. Tumhari
Qassam! (Take the hint lady!)
Girl: When will I meet your mother?
Boy: There is no need. I have told her I
will bring home the girl of my choice.
Girl: What do you like about me?
Boy: Nothing in particular, everything in
general. Ask me if there is something I do not like about you.
Girl: If an apsara came down and offered
you all the wealth in the world, will you leave me for her?
Boy: Leave you. For her????? Never.
Girl: What do I have that an apsara does
not have?
The further conversation took a course that
is not suitable for a blog meant for family viewing.
I have always been truthful about my
opinion. After hunting down Chinkaras and getting drunk and running their cars
over poor people sleeping on pavements, don’t you forgive people in the name of
Being Human? I have always called smart people smart without intending it to
mean dumb. Is it my fault, if you read too much in between the lines and think
about yourself the other way round? Anyway, if ever you have felt about
yourself that way after reading my blog, intentionally or unintentionally, I
apologise. Please forgive me.
