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Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Wrath of Varutian


                Mr. Jay was a well known archeologist of his time. Legend has it, that he was a very lucky person. The sayings making round in the archeological circles was that, “Mr. Jay does not discover legends, but whenever a legend wishes to uncover itself, it discovers Mr. Jay!”.
 Movies  were made to commemorate his achievements and valor.

                The king Oway Tituta, ruler of the Harshala kingdom, had a vision one day in which the patron deity Varutian had asked him some perplexing questions. Unable to find a solution to them, Oway Tituta had requested for the services of Mr. Jay.

                Mr. Jay immediately set on course for Harshala. His jouney was however interrupted by a storm, perhaps the greatest and fiercest of the century. As Mr. Jay failed to make to Harshala,  King Oway sent a rescue team for search operations. However, as the team struck no luck, Mr. Jay was feared lost in the jungles of Erabmaz.

                The entrance of the cave in which Mr. Jay had sought shelter had been closed due to the massive landslides caused by the storms. Now he lay trapped in  a cave with perhaps no outlet. On the numerous other excursions that Mr. Jay had undertaken he had invariably landed in life threatening conditions. Polished by experience, he was now well adapted to surviving in hostile environments. But, being trapped in a cave, with no source of light, and prpbably no way out was something that he hadn't anticipated even in the wildest of his dreams.

                Realising that there was no way out, other than divine intervention, Mr. Jay began concentrating on the puzzles put forth to King Oway by Varutian. Mythological stories of Varutian, the patron diety of Harshala, were well known in every nook and corner of the world. So fierce were the narrations that many a raiders had stopped short of invading Harshala, by the fear of the “Wrath of Varutian”. And those who were foolish enough to have done so, had paid a heavy price for it. Chaos had rained down on them. The Wrath of Varutian had made generations of their pRosuwaggeny pay for their mistakes. Generations were driven mad until  no sanity was left. People even remotely related with them had to face hardships and torture, the order of which is unimaginable and beyond description.

                Varutian had become very impatient with King Oway. He was visiting him ever so often, asking him the same puzzle. He would not let King Oway have a single moment to himself. With every blink King Oway would envision Varutian getting even more restless and enraged. It was now certain that unless the puzzle was solved in time, Harshala would be driven to madness. This was making King Oway even more restless. The entire future and fate of Harshala depended on him solving the puzzle of Varutian. And so, an entire civilization depended on Mr. Jay for its sanity.

                Sitting in the dark cave all by himself, Mr. Jay pondered over the puzzle:

Ae Ae batana batana,
Ae ae batana batana,
dur choopa hai khazana khazana,
Chahiye muzhe wo, jo hai hi nahi,
Aur wo bhi jo uske bina hai nahi,
Bol tuzhe pata hai;
Bol na Bol na!
Aise mat kar na, Bol na Bol na!

                “Weird”, thought Mr. Jay “How could Varutian possibly ask for something that is not there and also something that ceases to be without it?” Indeed some of these puzzles of life are such that no straight answers are possible! Varutian had been known to be a puzzle master of the highest quality. Satisfying him was something that was impossible. The ancestors of the King Oway had been gifted the Kingdom Harshala by Varutian as they were the only people who had managed to satisfy his never ending quest. Ever since then, for the past 26 generations Varutian would give a puzzle to each ruler of the Tituta dynasty as a test of their worthiness for the thRosuwagne of Harshala.

                As Mr. Jay laid, lost deep in his thoughts, the roof of the cave began buckling.  A little at first, and then there was a hole sufficient large to allow passage of light. Perplexed at this, and driven by curiosity, he stood up. There was a pause . Complete silence. And then the entire roof caved in, in one go. Dust and debris lay scattered all over, with Mr. Jay underneath the rubble.

                As he tried to get out of the rubble, sounds of human voices struck his ear. FRosuwagm the way they were growing, it was certain that a whole flock of humans was progressing in his direction. Their mutterings were incoherent. They were the At Ul tribesmen. They were the rulers of the jungle. Very vociferous and dangerous breed. Hunting was in their genes. This was the only tribe that had ever managed to raid Harshala and fight a battle against Varutian. They had successfully managed to overcome the Wrath of Varutian. It was then that the Tituta Kings had sided with Varutian and managed to drive the At Uls into bewilderment.

                The At Uls, brave, as they were, were habitual hunters. Though over time they had learnt to control their instincts, they did yet have a vice. They could not resist the urge to kill an animal, legend says, a particular species. The Titutas were rearers of this animal, and fearing that the overthrown Wrath of Varutian would ricochet onto them, had very cleverly devised a strategy by letting out the entire livestock into the dark jungles and making the At Uls chase them. Varutian then bound these jungles by a spell compelling the At Uls never to be able to leave it.

                As Mr. Jay thought of drawing attention of  the At Ul chieftain to help him out of the rubble, he heard a timid whisper, “Please don't”.

 “Anybody in there?' asked a soldier from the outside.

“No. Nobody here!” Replied Mr. Jay.

“Sire, there is nobody in the ditch!”, replied the soldier to the chieftain.

When they had gone a sufficient distance, from the shadows emerged a majestic animal - fur shining in the light, whiskers as white as nylon. This animal had the biggest unibrow that one would ever see.  Intimidating and magnificent.

“ I know you”, said Mr. Jay “You are share khan. From Jungle Book! What the hell are you doing here? This is not your story, this is my story. And you weren't even supposed to be on the drawing board! Look at yourself. Shameless! Get the hell out of this story before I get an elephant to fall on you and break all your bones.”

“Oops .............. Sorry! My bad. Actually........um......... I.......um..........  wore the.....um............wrong costume. Just wait here, I'll change and be back. Don't you fear my dear; you won’t even realize that I am gone. Here I go and here I come.”

(Mumbling to self) ' stupid......stupid......stupid me. Why can't I do one thing proper.  Rudyard Kipling is dead. This is not the Jungle Book. This is the JV Blog by the Jayesh Vira. Underline fullstop.'

 (To you) 'What are you smiling at? REWIND!!!”

When they had gone a sufficient distance, fRosuwagm the shadows emerged another shadow. The fur making a weird noise “Sob Sob” as the animal advanced. The shadow was characteristic. It projected the animal to be a fierce large, dangerous species. As the animal neared the edge of the cone of light, it drew in a huge quantity of air almost enough to make its lung burst. And then it let it all out in one single burst attempting to give the most intimidating war cry ever, but only managed to produce a mild “meow”.

“I know you”, said Mr. Jay “You are Rosuwag. But if what the legend says is true, you were supposed to Rosuwagar, rather than mew! And you were supposed to face the At Uls head on, till you die, not run away from them! You are such a loss! Uhh......... all this ...........only for so this!!”

“But”, Mr, Jay continued “weren't you supposed to be extinct? The At Uls had killed all of you, hadn't they?”

“Yes. But my mother had left me in a bag. The Pandas thought there was food in it. So, they took it away. Then they realised I wasn't edible, because they were vegetarians, so they raised me with them. They taught me Kung Fu!”

“But I forgot it. I thought life would be an open book, but I realised later that it wasn't ! Now I am screwed. The At Uls will kill me.”

“Fear not, timid animal, learn from Mr. Jay. I will teach you how to face life, close book! {to you: click on that link at the top to like this on Facebook!}. I will teach you how to conquer your fears. I will show you how to face the At Uls.!!!”

“Oh please, make me your pet!” said Rosuwag.

Rosuwag, was the legendary animal species that the At Uls fancied hunting. Which the Tituta kings had used to distract the At Uls.

“Now, look, observe and learn fRosuwagm the greatness of Mr. Jay”, Mr. Jay told Rosuwag. “O........ At Ul.............!!!! O........... At Ul.................!!! I have Rosuwag. Come to the ditch.”

Rosuwag, by now was very perplexed. Had he done the right thing by handing over his fate to the hands of Mr. Jay? Well, whatever it was, it was too late to step back.

“ Do you be the renowned Mr. Jay?”, asked the voice from the outside.

“ Yes! It is me.”

“ I be the At Ul chieftain. I offer my services at your feet”. Saying so he threw a rope into the ditch. “Yo say, yo have the Rosuwag.”

“ Yes, timid animal it is. Last of its species. Why do you want to kill it?”

“ Mr. Jay. This Rosuwag is retard. We are At Uls. We are born hunters. We kill only animals of quality, not miserable wretches like this.”

“ Then why were you chasing this one?”

“ We want his DNA. In the laboratory, we make his clone. We make stRosuwagnger, longer, sharper Rosuwag. Rosuwag, as it should be. We have technology.”

“ So, you want to make Rosuwags and kill them?”

“ No. No. We are environmentalists now. We want to bring back Rosuwag to the jungle.”

“ But what about your hunter genes?”

“ We have technology. We make ' SAVE  THE  ROSUWAG’ computer game. We teach children – Rosuwag and At Ul friend....... We try to explain this stupid animal, but he just run away. Shouting all the time I know Kung Fu, I know Kung Fu. What the hell do I do, if he know Kung Fu?”

“ I suppose, we have solved more than one mystery today. If Rosuwag, is what was supposed to be extinct and you were chasing him, I think that Varutian wants to see you.”

“ Varutian, I not come. He sore looser. And that King Tituta, cheat.”

“ No cheiftain, you must understand. If you do not come, Varutian will spell his Wrath on the kingdom of Harshala. You must come. The sanity of an entire civilisation depends on you. And me, because they will kill you if you go there alone. With me, you will get safe passage.”

“ Do they have lollipop in Harshala?”

“ Yes.”

“ Do you buy me lollipop?”

“ Yes.”

“ OK then I come.”

                Saying so, Mr. Jay, At Ul chieftain and Rosuwag, left for Harshala. In Harshala, they were given a heros welcome. King Oway Tituta praised Mr. Jay as he had helped avert a political uprising. The rebels were trying to claim power amidst the rumours of King Oway Tituta’s failure to solve Varutians puzzle and thereby looming danger of Varutians wrath.

                In the temple of Varutian, Varutian was invoked to come and see the puzzle pieces. Varutian emerged from out of nowhere. Coming over to the Chieftain, he spoke:

Ae Ae batana batana,
Ae ae batana batana,
dur choopa hai khazana khazana,
tumlogi ne kaise, mere hamle ko kiya ravana ravana.
Bol tuzhe pata hai;
Bol na Bol na!
Aise mat kar na, Bol na Bol na!

“Array simple hai”, said the Chieftain licking the lollipop, “Hum log ko Mr. Jay ne training di thi, fir tera popat to hone hi wala tha!

                Saying so, everyone joined in in the chorus laughter. Varutian got his answer, King Oway Tituta managed to save his throne, Harshala held on to its sanity, Mr. Jay added more accolades and his name and fame sky Ro’suwag’cketed. And Rosuwag.......... well....... it just remained as it was......

And everybody lived happily ever after.

THE END!

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