THE INNER VOICE

HELLO friends, rejoice, I am back. Today's topic of discussion is as usual very spiritual, 'THE INNER VOICE'. For centuries, philosophers and thinkers have wasted their hairs on answering this inner voice. This is the one who has no other occupation but to keep on raising questions. Scholars say, that if not for the inner voice the world would not have progressed. I say, if not for the inner voice the world be a very boring place. If it tells you to close this window right now, you will. If it decides that you should read further, you will.

The con master that I am, I have time and again proposed quite a few theories towards the origin of this inner voice (as some of you know that I am about a zillion years old. In short I am IMMORTAL), to fool the mortals:

The stone age theory: There are stones in your head, and as you use your head they rub against each other and make noise. This holds true for many people today as well, just that now a days most of these noises are externalised rather than keeping them internalised.

The water age theory: Each time you think, there is a tsunami in your head, and that is what makes the noise.

The fire age theory: Every time you use your head, some of the sawdust inside catches fire, which causes the noise.

The animal-husbandry age theory: Every time you use your head, its the whip on the ass, that makes the noise.

The poultry-farm age theory: The eggs inside are hatching.

The wheel age theory: There is a donkey cart in your head. Each time you use your head, the cart moves and the donkey makes the noise.(Thus, the MENTOS advert is so true). This theory too, holds true in many cases today.-)

The agriculture age theory: Every time you use your head, its contents get husked and that makes the noise.

The metal age theory: The empty vessels are banging against each other, and making the noise.

The ice age theory: Well, the glaciers are sliding.

The vedic age theory: This is the time when I had so much competition. Never had so many a thinkers been alive at the same time!!! Hush!!! In your attempt to silence the inner voice, you've gaged it, and it is its agonising calls for help that is making this disturbing noise.

The Kamasutra age theory: Ahem!! Ahemm!! (EVEN CHILDREN READ THIS BLOG). (Again so true even today).

The dark age theory: There is a devil in your head, and he is making the noises.( Once again, so true even today)

The blind-faith age theory: These are the chantings in your head.

The rational age theorey: Stop rationalising, and they will stop.

The printing age theory: Its the sound of the press, your thoughts are being printed.

The industrial age theory: The machine is jammed for you haven't used it since long.

The hippie age theory: The 'POT' IN YOUR HEAD IS 'CRACK' ING!!

The physics age theory:

Each time you use your head this equation is altered, and it produces the noise particle, which we haven't found yet, but after spending the entire world's fortunes and risking the very existence of the entire universe and building giant reactors in some destitute place for some no good experiment, we will prove that it exists. Till then, just mug up.!!

The outer space age theory: Aliens have taken over your head and are making the noise.

The World War age theory: Its the bombs that are exploding.

The entertainment age theory: The popcorn is ready.

The indigestion age theory: Its just gas.

The CLINICAL RESEARCH age theory: We propose that some non-sense mutations have occurred in your genome, and that has lead to some altered chemical imbalances in your head, and the “Thi*nk” receptor is hyperactive, similar to our findings in cockroaches,and gorillas. Take these EXPERI-MENTAL DRUGS and we'll see what happens.

The modern age theory: You guys are just too smart!! Its not going to be easy for me to fool you. So, I'll not waste any time. I think that with the world scheduled to end next year and with the 'RIGHT TO INFORMATION' being enforced, I should reveal the secret.

Think that this fellow has gone crazy, well that I surely am, but even as you read this crazIER article, who is it that is reading it out to you? Now wondering whose voice is it that is speaking to you right now? It definitely doesn't sound yours! Whose is that golden voice, with whom you converse for hours on ends? Who is it who know all your dark secrets. Read till the end and you'll get the answer.

When was it the last time, that you had the courage to go against it? When was it that, you doubted its very existence? Has it ever occurred to you that it may be wrong?

Yet, you have always believed and continue to do so, that what it says is always for your good. But, do you understand, that it means good for everyone and you are not a lucky exception. Though it always gives you options, then leaves it for you to make the decision, it is it that ultimately makes all those decisions. It is it that raises those doubts, and solves them as well. Have you ever actually lived your own life? NO. It is the voice that is guiding your life. It is the master, and you are the puppet. So powerful is the voice and its control on your psyche, that if it tells you to jump from the terrace, you will. If it tells you to keep quite, you will. If it tells you to kill someone, you will. If it tells you to close this window right now, you will.

This is the one who has been there since you were born, told you when to cry if you feel hungry, or dirty your nappie. It is the one who decides what you like, and when you should laugh. It is one who decides, how loose your character will be. It will tell you that you are supposed to be jealous at your friend's success and rejoice your competitor's defeat. It will make you bitch about people and poke your nose where it doesn't belong!! Though you may feel that you should not do these things, you end up doing them, because IT SAID SO.

It is the voice, that the deaf can hear, and the dumb can speak. It knows all languages. All secret codes. It even has commands on the HIV and the amoebae. It is omnipresent.

Wondering how I know so much about this voice? Or, are you wondering what is my inner voice like,that it tells me to publish such things. Why are you smiling and liking this non-sense? How do I know this? Well the answer is simple:

I am your best friend. Even though you may not have met me, you have seen me (that's why I've kept the background as it appears). You have known me and I have known you and we share the inner voice.

But, then do I have an inner voice? No, because:

I AM THE INNER VOICE. LIKE IT OR NOT, BUT ITS TRUE. AND THAT COMPREHENSIVELY EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

Oh, don't just laugh it away.

But, right now you are not ready to accept it. That's because, I don't want you to accept it. It is a secret that I've kept since the beginning of time and I wont give it away, just like that. Thus, no matter however hard you try to accept it, you will not, because I DO NOT WANT YOU TO;>)

Thus, we can add one more to The long list of those 'OPEN SECRETS'. ITS KNOWN TO ALL, BUT STILL ITS A SECRET because, you wont believe it and I won't let you to!!

So, no matter how-so-ever you feel right now, I know it, because I want you to feel that way. That's the way I want you to be. Now, if I feel you have a good sense of humour, I will make you comment below, and if I want you to be a depressed little creature, I wont let you comment below.

Its not your choice, its mine!

Mumbai- An alternate viewpoint.

Astonished by the recent developmental spurt of the city! Just within 5 years the look of the city has completely changed. But look at it from my view point, I'd say the city is feeling sick - and I refer to Mumbai not Mumbaikars.

Towers have sprung where once existed ground floored chalis. The skyline of the city has retracted like the hairline of an aging person. Birds are being replaced with mobile towers and TV antennas. People like me now get to see the sunrise only on a computer wall-paper. When I walk on the road, I feel I am inhaling cement not oxygen. Indeed, that's a beautifull spectacle, isn't it ?

The trees along the roads have been ceremoniously cut down for either road widening, or off late for infra-structure projects like metros and skywalks. And yes also not to forget, the mangrooves which disappear overnight as shanties appear. Also now the obsession of our hon'ble environment minister to build an airport where mangrooves exist. Please realise that concrete doesnot breathe out oxygen, trees do, and humans are not anaerobic, they do require some amount of oxygen for surviving. Of what use is a project if it hinders the life and well being of the citizens.

His renal profile is totally deranged. This also accounts for his symptoms. His kidneys can't efficiently remove all the waste his body is generating and they are piling up and killing him with many diseases.

I do a sonography, his prostrate is enlarged. That also partly explains why, even if his kidneys generate some urine, its is still there in his bladder and breeding infections.

Let us visualise Mumbai as a human. Being a medico that I am, allow me to present it my way.


A man presents with the problems of fastly receding hairline. He also complains of breathlessness and choking. I do a X-ray. CT, MRI, PET Scan and all the other things that are available. Findings are uniform, his lungs have solidified and are collapsing.. 

He also complains of feeling very sluggish. He also says he has been suffering from many diverse infections off late. His BP is raised. So, I do his cardiac and renal work-up. The findings. Almost each and every of his major artery and vein has a thrombus. This is what is causing the sluggish flow and his fatiguability. But even more dangerous than this is the fact that thrombii are known to break and migrate to other areas like brain and lungs, get stuck there and cause instant death.

His renal profile is totally deranged. This also accounts for his symptoms. His kidneys can't efficiently remove all the waste his body is generating and they are piling up and killing him with many diseases.

I do a sonography, his prostrate is enlarged. That also partly explains why, even if his kidneys generate some urine, its is still there in his bladder and breeding infections.

He also recalls of a severe external injury not long ago. His serum studies show presence of auto-antibodies – antibodies produced by the body against its own tissues. This has rendered his immune system so weak that it can not concentrate on external infections, and has made him susceptible to many more infections and is also harming his other systems.

I take a complete detailed history to find the cause. The findings aren't surprising.

In his hay days, he was a macho. He consumed much more than he could have digested and still continues to do so. That's what over-worked his systems. That's what led to the immune reactions. Now, his systems are failing. And he has all sorts of nutritional deficiencies. I advise him to exert self control. But, he says it is beyond his power to control. I tell him to exercise. He neither has the time nor the space. I start him on drugs to control his immune reactions.

So, I decide to intervene surgically. I put stents in every artery and vein I can reach. Create every possible by-pass I can. Put him on a dialysis. Infuse immune cells from outside. For me, he is “the patient”. Every system in failure. And I get to do every procedure I've learnt. And he is a chronic case. Rich and affording. Just wants to get cured. Doesn't bother about costs. My pockets are also happy.

But, this is how he will be affected. Prosthetics are not your body. Stents cant replace arteries. They tend to increase the risk of clots. Plus, they come with a shelf-life. They have to be maintained. They are providing for the current stress but will not be able to cope with future stresses. The dialysis will hamper his life. He'll live, but will it be woth it? Also, its not predictable, whether his immune system will weaken or strenghten and also when the auto antibodies will become resistant to the drugs I'm giving him. And all these continuous procedures will destroy him as an individual. The picture is gross, but as his doctor, very profitable for me.







The enlarged prostrate represents the Mumbai hype. It attracts all sorts of people. And then they get so stuck up here, that even if they want to leave they can't. They are shattered with broken dreams, and are then susceptible as instruments for anti-social elements. The failing kidneys are our pathetic waste disposal systems, which are breeding more infections.



The arteries are our infrastructure systems- not inefficient, but over-worked.

There is still time, I can save Mumbai. Are you with me?

WHEN I UNDERTOOK A PAST LIFE REGRESSION!

I am one of those people who is constantly influenced by trends in society, a little slow to understand stuff and one who always messes up in life, big time. I watch only those movies which come with sub-titles. I hardly apply my own knowledge and utilize my own understanding. I feel using my common sense will deplete it. I do what everyone else does – blind folded. It is easier to follow in the footsteps of others than trying to be a yourself. You mix in well with you know, and don't take up fights and animosities and always end up with bad company. Everyone loves you and you love everyone back and love spreads and overwhelms my life at times.




My mom always maintained that I should restrict myself to singing on television and not at home or in temples or public places to keep myself safe from being mobbed down by fans. So, I participated in Indian Idol. There were so many souls there who thought that they were great singers. Well if just learning one song would make someone a good singer, I can sing all songs new or old, classical or western with equal finesse and expertise, that too without any training. But they did not even let in me audition. Such injustice. When I argued for my right to participation, they said,” You sing so well, that the judges will get a bout of depression and music labels will have to shut down as people may stop listening to music all together.”


But I did not lose hope. I took this rejection in my stride. I then went to audition for “ the Great Indian Laughter Challenge”. There too the same problem. They did not let me audition saying that the quality of my jokes was way too advanced for the public to understand it, appreciate it and be able to laugh.


OK. Fine. So next went, for “ Dance India Dance”. Baby bad luck followed me there as well. My partner was a bit heavy, and I could not catch her when she jumped in the air. ( I felt intimidated). she fell off the stage. I was disqualified. Her mother stared threatening to sue me. And I was fined for the table that broke.


Then I recollected, that I had read some where that social service helps to bye bye baby bad luck. So I went to an asylum. I met an acquaintance there. He looked at me and smiled happily. How happy he was to see me there!!! Even before I would tell him the reason for my arrival, he muttered, “Now you've come where you belong”. He sent two peons to usher me. For the first time in my life I felt that I belonged somewhere. This is where I wanted to be. But again, I was kicked out. I protested. But they said that my influence was too much for them to handle.


This is not right. I am a specially talented personality. At every stage of life I've had set backs only because I am more talented than others. Ye kaha ka insaaf hai?


Then I decided to go for 'Sach ka Samna'. He asked me the first question – Have you ever been kicked out? I said “ Yes.”


Q. 2 Have you ever put on your shirt buttons. - No.


Q. 3 Does your mother still spoon feed you. - Yes.


Q. 4 Do people run away from you.- Yes.


Q. 5 Do you have an ambition in life. - No.


Q. 6 Have you ever spoken intelligent. - No.


Q. 7 Do you bed wet. - Yes.


Q. 8 Are you ever of any help. - No.


Q. 9 Is Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag your favourite movie. - Yes.


The next question was to give me Rs. 10 lakh. This amount could not be taken away from me. He offered me to quit. But I have never been afraid of telling truth in my life. I decided to continue.


Q. 10 Do you forget to wear your pants when you go out. - No.


But be said that it was a wrong answer. I had once again come so close to winning and lost it. Now, I realise, perhaps this is the reason why people giggle when I pass by.


My instant fame got me a fan though. This girl contacted me. She said she had always dreamt of a loyal and true person like me all her life. We met. I fell for her. Her hair was blonde and she was very intelligent. “Jackpot !”, I exclaimed. We had a quite a private time on the wada-pav thela. I liked way she was fighting for a 25 paise coin. Such a courageous girl. We were outside an electronics store, where she pointed to an oven and said it was the latest TV. Such a sense of humor. When we were on our way back, I told her that I liked her blonde hair. But that her teeth were more blonde than her hair. She walked off and never came back. Shattered!!


That's when I saw a new TV show on past life regression. I applied. I wanted to know what I had done, that I was suffering such set backs.


I reached the set. The lady told me to relax. She said she would hypnotize me. I soon lost all touch with reality. Now she was controlling me.


I wandered over endless desserts, and seas and mountains and clouds.


Until I reached some trance. I was visualizing my past lives.






Life 1: I was a tortoise. I sang songs in the pond. Pond had dried. Birdie offered help. Took me by a twig. Midway in air requested a song. I sang. Crashed.


Life 2: I was a joker in a King's court. Pulled the king's mustache and kissed his daughter. Nailed.


Life 3: I was a damsel in distress. Knight came to my rescue. Master attacked him. I wore a short skirt. Knight distracted. Knight died.


Life 4: I was scientist. Wanted to prove law of gravity and air resistance. Jumped along with apple and feather from a tower. Proved the law, but didn't live to tell to others.


Life 5: I was a hunk. Hottie asked me if I knew a man who would rub suntan. Directed her to the beach cafe.


Life 6: I was a blonde. Doomed.


Things now got crystal clear to me. I had to break the jinx. I decided to get realistic. I decided that I should study and become intelligent and smart and make “wise decisions”. Got good marks in 10th. Chose science. Studied hard in 12th.






Current life: Doctor.